A babe in a manger

One of the things I love to do at Christmas is to set out my nativity sets.  I have a small collection that mean the world to me.  I look forward to this ritual every year. When the kids were little, they would help me place the figurines around the manger.  This year I did it by myself.

After being packed up for a year, I love unwrapping them and being reminded of the incredible gift of Jesus.

I wanted to share a few of my favorites with you.

Soulmate and I bought this one on our honeymoon in Acapulco twenty-five years ago.

For unto us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

My baby daughter brought me this nativity from Africa.

While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son.  She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manager, because there was no room in the inn.


And I love this one from Guatemala that my oldest daughter gave me.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.  He was with God in the beginning.  Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.  In him was life, and that life was the light of men.  That light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.  


My nativity sets remind me to slow down and to reflect on the truth of the Christmas season.

Thank you God for the gift of your Son.

If you don't know our Savior, I would love to share His story with you.

Merry Christmas! J

It's December!

I keep thinking that I need to blog.

I want to do it, but it's December.

The lists keep multiplying rather than reducing.

The calendar is numbingly full.

The office is stacked with boxes and stuff, yet under the tree, it is still bare.

Only two more scarves to knit.  Many gifts to buy. Everything to wrap.  Cards to mail.

The list goes on and on.

So... no time to write.  Too much to do.  No reflection, only doing.

It is December in America.

Love to all of you out there or no one - whichever fits. J

My big brother

November has been such a crazy month for our family.  We have had a wedding (the second since September), five birthdays, a 25th wedding anniversary, along with Thanksgiving festivities all in one single month.  Whew - it took a lot out of me just to type that.

One of the big events we celebrated was my brother's 60th birthday. I wanted to blog about him during his birthday week, but I just couldn't fit it in.  So even though a little late, I wanted to squeeze this one in during his birthday month.

Some thoughts on my big brother.

I love my brother. He is my only sibling.  I call him my big brother because he is four years older than me.  I like him as well as love him.

I don't remember a lot about our relationship when we were small children, but I think four years is a lot when you are younger.  I am pretty sure that we just lived our lives separately in the same home.  His world was full of sports, Boy Scouts, sports, and his friends.  Notice sports is put down twice - always important to my brother.  Still is.  My world was full of Barbie dolls, Brownies and Girl Scouts, and my friends.  I am sure I was probably a pain in the rear to him during those years.

And then he became a teenager, and I was right behind.  Watching and learning.  In the late 60's, as his hair grew longer, his cool quotient went up,  and as his interest in music grew stronger, I became  a follower of my brother.  He was very cool.  He still is.  He brought interesting (and cute) friends home, exposed me to incredible music at home or on his 8 track player in his Nova, and even took me along to some concerts.

During this time he began to perfect his musical skills which came so naturally to him.  I took tortured piano lessons for 11 years and can play a respectable  "Nothing but the Blood" and the theme from "Hill Street Blues."  Bob took for three months and can sit down and play anything. The same with the guitar. I am not bitter just really jealous.
OK - a little bitter.

From this period of our life, I remember many stories - several that my brother loves to tell on me.  Like the time the Sundown Collection, a local rock band, won a national battle of the bands contest. I went airborne with excitement, landing on the couch which broke upon my subsequent landing.  Or the time when moving to Fort Worth from  Illinois in a caravan of two cars.  Dad was in the front car and did not believe in stopping.  I had to use the bathroom so bad - I kept telling mother, but she wouldn't stop for fear of losing my dad. Finally the moment came - I could wait no longer. I squeezed my legs together as tightly as possible and let it flow.  I had a perfect little reservoir of pee between my legs.  Bob is hysterically laughing, yelling "Don't let go!"  But just how long can you hold pee between your legs?  Oh, he has loved telling that story through the years.

I could go on and on with many more stories...but what I really want to say is this.

My brother is my hero.  There are so many things that I admire, respect, and love about him.
So here goes...a few of the many of things I love about my big brother.

1.  He is a person of great passion.  Whether the focus is sports, music, most certainly his family, or his work, he is a passionate follower, supporter, participant, leader.  He doesn't invest emotionally in small ways in the things he loves - he commits totally and completely.
2.  One of the things he is passionate about is Jesus.  He loves Jesus and has dedicated his life in making him known and relevant to the young people in his life.
3.  Even though he has been a youth pastor for the last 35 + years, he stays committed to his calling and approaches it with a freshness and an energy that baffles me.  Again, that passion inside him continues to fuel him and his ministry.
4.  He is an awesome husband and father.  He dearly and unselfishly loves his family.
5. He is one of the most un60ish people I know.  His biological age does not fit him at all.  In some crazy way, he remains ageless.  I hope he redefines what 60 can be about for all of us.

I could go on and on, but it all boils down to this.  My brother is an original.  Someone I continue to look up to.  A man who has  positively influenced countless young people.  The greatest uncle to my kids.  An amazing person.

I am grateful for my big brother.   I am proud to be his sister.

May your 60's be good to you, brother.

Love to all of you out there or no one whichever fits. J

Happy 25th Anniversary!

Today Soulmate and I have been married for 25 years.  A quarter of a century full of all that life has to offer. We've experienced the most joyous times and those events of great pain and loss.  We look back with wonder at how God has provided for us through it all.

Soulmate is the great love of my life.

So for our anniversary, Soulmate, I share the words of one of my favorite poems.  What I don't have the words to express, e.e. cumings says for me...

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)e. e. cumings i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)i am never without it(anywhere i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling) i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true) and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

I look forward to carrying you in my heart for the next 25 years.

Love to all of you out there or no one - whichever fits. J

Hey all you monkeys out there - this is my girl!

When La was a little girl, she loved it when I would cuddle with her.  Part of our cuddling routine involved me shouting out as if to an audience "Hey all you monkeys out there - this is my girl!" She would smile and giggle.  She never got tired of it.

Just a silly little saying that came to my mind one day that made her feel special.

A little love ritual between mother and beloved daughter.

That little tow headed girl loved her mama and her mama loved her.  The love was fierce and for a period was the love that sustained their little family of two.  Even as a small one, her little heart loved deeply and thoroughly.

Then Soulmate and Jam joined our little family, and love wasn't divided but multiplied as it miraculously does.  Our little family eventually expanded by two more with Al and Ty.  La opened her heart to all.  She loved her family completely, but she still enjoyed that special connection with her mama.

Even though we didn't "tell the monkeys" as often who she was - she still knew she was my girl! 

This weekend that little tow headed girl transformed into a beautiful, radiant bride.  She became the wife of her very own Soulmate.  All of that tremendous capacity of love that she has inside of her now has a very worthy recipient.  She so deserves the love her Soulmate has given her.  I couldn't be happier for both of them.

So one more time.  Just so she will always know.

It may seem silly to some.
But I know one who will savor it.

"Hey all you monkeys out there - this beautiful bride is my girl!"

Love to all of you out there or no one - whichever fits. J

Green Eggs and Ham Revisited

Thank you to the following for submitting their favorite children's books:

Jammie - Corduroy
Megan - The Giving Tree
Allie - The Lorax
Robin -The Secret Garden
Soulmate -The Cat in the Hat


A copy of each of these books has been donated to the Union Gospel Mission Children's Library.  One of your favorite children's book may become the favorite book of one of the homeless children in our community.

Thank you for sharing.

Love to you five...and all of you out there or no one - which ever fits.  J
      

Happy Birthday Soulmate!

Today is Soulmate's birthday!  Isn't he handsome?

Today, I am no longer the older woman.  Every year for almost a month, I am older than him.  For that month he loves to tell people that he is married to an older woman. I am just happy to be married to him regardless of age.

Here we are exactly the same age before I became the older woman in his life this year.  I will age considerably three months after this picture was taken.  It will last about a month.  I will not allow any pictures taken of me during the older woman time.  Just kidding.

No, really I am serious. No pictures.

Happy birthday to my best friend, my soulmate, my husband! Have a wonderful birthday.
Love from your no longer older woman   xoxo

Love to all of you out there or no one - whichever fits. J

Is it eternal?

Sometimes in the midst of the busyness of life, we can become overwhelmed by the demands on our time and energy.  I can literally become stressed by the simple act of looking ahead at my schedule for the week to see what lies ahead.  It can cause me to begin the week with a defeated outlook before I even get started. 

When I get myself in this state, I try to take some time to evaluate where and how I spend my time and energy.  One way I do this is to identify the amount of time I am spending on not eternal things versus eternal things.  When I am stressed, I always find that I am not spending enough time on the eternal things in my life such as family, friends, and quiet time with God, spending time in His Word.  I am caught up in the not eternal such as becoming a workaholic, television, and activities that are not important in the eternal realm.  It helps me to look at my schedule through this filter.  I then can delete some, but unfortunately not all, of the things that rob me of valuable time and energy.  There are some activities and responsibilities we cannot control, but I always find some time robbers that I can control. 

Approaching my schedule in this manner helps me to spend more time and energy in areas that matter.  It helps me feel that I am more in control and that I am investing my energy in things that matter.

This week I intend to look through the eternal filter.  I hope to find ways that I can spend time in the eternal realm.  A few ideas - Plan time with family and friends.  Turn off the television and spend some quiet time with God.  Look for the eternal things in my life and make time for them.  I encourage you to join me in seeking the eternal in every day life. I hope you have a blessed week. 


Love to all of you out there or no one - whichever fits!  J

Sweet random family recollections

During the past thirty years of raising kids, we have enjoyed countless precious moments.  Today I am sharing just a few with you.  I hope they bring a smile to your face.  They never fail to make me happy.

I always loved when our kids first learned new words and didn't get them quite right.  I wouldn't let people correct them - I wanted to savor the sweetness of cute before it passed.

A few favorite mispronunciations of our family from many years past:

• Mohog - Mohawk - created by Jammie
• Callepitter - catapillar - created by Lauren
• Cheater chess - cedar chest - created by Allie
• Flix Flags - Six Flags - created by Allie
• Bollyball - volleyball -   created by Tyler

And then there are those sweet little moments that have become part of our family's oral tradition:

Conversation overheard between Jammie and Lauren  (age 6 years) regarding the Dennis the Menace cartoon show:

Jammie:  That Margaret is so mean.

Lauren:  But she's such a good actress.  (Get the funny - the Oscar worthy actress was a cartoon!)

Allie gathering her big sisters around the laundry basket so she could get in the basket and have the starring role of baby Jesus - a regular family Nativity scene acted out in our very living room.

Tyler as a 3 year old commenting to his dad in the restroom at his big sisters' middle school award's night, "Luke, I am your father."  (Certain details have been left out to protect the innocent)

And so many more stories. Such sweet memories. Oh my, where have the years gone.  

Love to all of you out there or no one - whichever fits. J

My feared legacy to our children

On my last post, I shared with you the legacy that Soulmate and I hoped to leave with our children.  Those were important lessons we have learned in life and hope that they saw in us at least some of the time.

Unfortunately though, I am afraid that the following is probably the real legacy that I left with them.  I will not implicate Soulmate in any way for the following.  It was all my doing.

1. Don't put Christmas decorations out before Thanksgiving, and Christmas lights on the exterior of your home should be straight or why bother!
2. No white shoes after Labor Day or before Easter
3. No tolerance for people who eat with their mouths open
4. Always have your toenails painted
5. A total irrational fear of the dentist and all things mathematical
6. Your teeth should not in any circumstance touch your fork (or any metal)
7. Unless someone is bleeding, I don't want to  hear it. (Refers to childhood tattling)
8. Rodents should die.
9. Presentation is everything.
10. The movie theater is not a place for talking.  Ever.  Under no circumstance.  In fact, it is perfectly normal to move to another seat at least once per movie to get away from those who talk.

All I can say is - I'm sorry.  I hope this is not the only thing you learned from me.  Feel free, my sweet children, to not pass on my obsessions to a future generation.

Love to all of you out there or no one - whichever fits. J

Our hoped for legacy to our children

As parents, Soulmate and I hope we are building a legacy for our children on how to live their lives.   We see this as an important role for us as parents. These would include those important lessons we have learned in life and hope that they saw in us at least some of the time.  Most of these are things that we learned along the way from God, from His Word, and from others God placed in our lives.  

Our hoped for legacy to our children include the following beliefs:

1. The sufficiency of God in all circumstances
2. In a hopeless world, He is our hope.
3. There's always room at our table for others.
4. There is great joy in giving.
5. When you point your finger at someone, there are three pointing back at you.
6. Love deeply and freely and unconditionally.
7. A true leader serves.
8. Forgive 70 x 7.
9. The importance of saying I love you regularly and especially to people in our life who don't hear it often.
10. We have a God placed responsibility to the whole world not just our community or country.

My prayer is that in my flawed living, my children saw some small evidence of these in my life along the way.    

Love to all of you out there or no one - whichever fits. J

Three signs of middle age

Tomorrow is my 56th birthday.  56 - wow!  I am well into the middle age bracket of life.  There is something about being closer to 60 than 50 that is a little unsettling.  I don't mind getting older. It's just a little weird to me.  I don't feel that old in my spirit.  My body - yes, but not in my mind!

However, when I think about it, there are a few behaviors that have crept in. A few signs of getting older. A few things that Soulmate and I never did in our thirties or forties and even early fifties.  I think they definitely indicate that we are in a different season of life.

Sign Number One: Identified chairs
We not only have chairs that we always, and I mean always, sit in.  We refer to them as "our chairs." Common dialogue between us:  "Let's go home and get in our chairs."  "I am so glad that we don't have anything planned tonight except for sitting in our chairs" and so on...
I love our chairs.  I love an evening in our chairs.  I don't like it when others sit in our chairs.

Sign Number Two:  The weather
I lived the first fifty years of my life only marginally aware of the weather.  Sure, if something big happened like a tornado or hurricane, I was concerned or interested.  But other than that, I really characterized weather in one of four ways:  hot, cold, wet, or dry.  That was really it.  Weather just really wasn't important to me.
But now, channel 214 is occasionally visited, while we sit in our chairs, of course.  For those of you without our TV service, that is The Weather Channel.  For whatever reason, the weather has become of great interest to us.  We click on the digital "eye" to check the five day weather outlook, or we catch really interesting shows like "Weather Caught on Camera"  or "Storm Riders."
Better than TWC on TV is the TWC phone ap.  I can be frequently found checking not the five day but the TEN day weather outlook on it.  I work my weather knowledge into conversations with others like the following: "Well, looks like we might get a little break in the weather a week from Thursday."Sometimes I check the weather in places we have visited.  For instance, did you know that on Tuesday in Thessalonika, Greece, there will be a high temperature of  63.  Oh, and by the way, R and R, you may need your umbrella - looks like scattered showers.

Sign Number Three: Our shows
On the nights we get to sit in our chairs and we aren't preoccupied with the weather, we watch our shows.  That's what we refer to them as - our shows.  When one of the kids calls and asks "What are you guys doing?", we say "We are sitting in our chairs, watching our shows."  Sometimes our shows get watched in real time, but even better is when we watch them recorded so we can skip through the commercials.  Our identified shows that we watch together are not many, mainly detective shows, but we like them.  Watching them .... together....in our chairs.  It's not so much that we have shows that we watch - it is the identifying them as "our shows" that seems middle aged.

Ok - I'm going to say it, proudly and without restraint.  I am getting older.  I'm more set in my ways.  Less spontaneous.  I like a routine.  I prefer things more predictable. I even like the weather - go figure!

I am proud to be 56 and all that goes with getting older.  I like this season of my life.  I am blessed.

For now though I have to go.  It's time to sit in our chairs....about to start the final season of Monk...and it's raining outside.  Life is good. Happy Birthday to me!

Love to all of you out there or no one - whichever fits. J

Family Night!

It's Friday and if you are a Wynnederson, you know what that means!  It's Family Night!

One of our favorite traditions when we were raising kids was family night.  Ours was always Friday night. Our friends, the Tullos family, had family night on Saturday night with Walker,Texas Ranger, but Friday was definitely our night.   

The formula was simple, but it worked for many years.  The following ingredients were critical:

1.  Two comforters with balloon print spread across the floor
2.  Everyone in comfy clothes
3. Everyone present.  Friday nights were sacred.  I remember how sad Tyler was when he was still young and thinking family night would always be. He couldn't believe that when  his sisters went away to college, they wouldn't be there for family night.
4.  Some form of pizza - sources varied through the years depending on where we lived - Little Caesar's, Domino's, Pizza Hut, Papa John's,  frozen Totino's during lean years - you could get them for less than a dollar - and even a few times when Soulmate decided to make pizzas,  That man - he can do it all.  Through the many years of family night, the menu never varied. Always pizza.
5.  Dorky Friday night TV - for years it was TGIF.  Do any of the following sound familiar to you? Family Matters, Full House, Step by Step, Boy Meets World, Hanging with Mr. Cooper.  Occasionally, it was old movies like A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court with Bing Crosby and The Court Jester with Danny Kaye or Calamity Jane with Doris Day.   At Christmas time it was always Christmas movies like White Christmas and the original Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.  

It seems so simple, but trust me it worked for years.  Just bodies of children spread across the comforters enjoying pizza and watching TV together and enjoying being together.  Often our own four were joined by friends who had come for a sleepover.  The friends knew what Friday night was like in the Wynne home, and I think they liked it too.

Now on Friday nights, there aren't any balloon comforters on the floor and TGIF is no more and there aren't sweet children strewn across the room angling for their space on the comforter, TV show or the last piece of pizza.

But habits die hard.  Most Friday nights, Soulmate and I are in our chairs eating pizza and watching TV.

It is quieter but still as sweet.

And every so often, the phone will ring, and one of our four will say "Are you having family night?  I'm on my way."

That's when I know that family night was about more than pizza, and silly TV shows.  It was about family.

Love to all of you out there or no one - whichever fits. J

I do not like green eggs and ham!

We love books in our home.  Always have and still do.  Some of my favorite memories of our children involved books.  I loved watching Soulmate read to them - so sweet.  I enjoyed reading to them myself until they began to read on their own.   The same treasured volumes were read over and over again until we could recite the words.

Indulge me while I take a trip down memory lane as I share a few of our favorite books from our kids' younger years.

• Goodnight Moon - all time favorite bedtime story for our children when they were itty bitty.  We love to give this book to special new babies in our life.
• Curious George and Corduroy - Jammie loved these books.
• Angelina the Ballerina and The Very Hungry Caterpillar - La's faves.
• The Monster at the End of this Book - oh, silly Grover - you weren't scary at all!
• All books by Dr. Seuss - we love the doctor in our house!  The Lorax, The Cat in the Hat, Green Eggs and Ham... - Soulmate was and still is the best Seuss reader!
• Ramona Quimby, Age 8 - Ramona, you rock those bangs!
• Junie B. Jones books - Allie lived for these books.  Thanks, Mrs. Lackey - we love you!
• Captain Underpants series - Tyler's alter ego!
• Where the Sidewalk Ends and Falling Up by Shel Silverstein - our children's introduction to poetry
• Madeline books - Twelve little girls all in a line, and the littlest one is Madeline  Allie and I read these together.
• The Secret Garden - I read this one aloud to Jammie and Lauren on the way to Washington DC
• All books by Eric Carle  - wonderful illustrations (see Caterpillar above)
• Jumanji
• Where the Wild Things Are
• Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
• If You Give a Mouse a Cookie

This is just a small sampling... I got a little misty eyed just typing these sweet titles.

And what about you?  What favorite children's book comes to your mind?

Send me your favorite title as a comment by October 15th.  I will hold a drawing of those submitted and buy a copy of the winning title to donate to the Union Gospel Mission children's program.  Maybe your favorite will become the favorite of a homeless child in our community.  

Love to all of you out there or no one - whichever fits. J

Straw Wrappers

Recently, I looked over the list of blog ideas that I compiled in the middle of the night when I became blog possessed.  There was some obvious ideas such as "lessons I've learned though life," "things I don't like," and "what the world needs now..."  However, the one that caught my eye was "straw wrappers."

Straw wrappers - what the heck is that about?  Right between blog idea #11 and # 12  was straw wrappers.  Why would I write that down?  I could not think for the life of me why I would want to write about straw wrappers.  Did I fall asleep at that point, and write it in my sleep?  No matter how hard I tried, I could not retrieve the mental pathway that led to straw wrappers.  Finally, I gave up and walked away from the list.

The next day I happened to mention the mysterious straw wrappers to Soulmate.  He got this huge grin on his face and said "Sure, I could see you writing down straw wrappers - think about it!"  Slowly, the haze of my 55 year old mind began to clear.  I think I blushed a little realizing what this was all about and would I really want to share this with the blog world.  Of all the great kernels of insight, personal history, and even just maybe a little wisdom that I hoped to share through this blog, would I want to choose to share my feelings about straw wrappers!

Ok - here it is!  I might as well do it. It is only fitting that I begin in the following manner:

Hi, my name is Janet, and I am a straw wrapper control freak!

My problem started somewhere between child number one and four along with the countless friends of my children who rode in our cars through the years.  I love kids, and our cars were always full of them, but I hate trash and things left behind to junk up my car.  I mean really despise it. For years my children would hear the following refrain the minute we turned into our driveway- get your stuff together - pick up the trash - don't forget your backpacks, jackets, stuff, books - and so on and so on the nagging went.

It was a thankless task.  Regardless of the efforts, fossilized French fries, little toys, books, school papers, jackets, and a jillion straw wrappers littered the car.  One day after years of passing drinks to the back of a mini-van, urine colored LTD (my kids' description not mine), or a Suburban, I had an epiphany.  I may not be able to control all the junk in the car, but I could control one thing - straw wrappers!

From that moment on, no one in my car got a completely "clothed" straw.  I would get the straw, and rip the end of it off.  I would hold onto the end with the wrapper on it, and the child could grab their straw and slide it out of the wrapper.   Perfectly hygenic!  With just that small little action, I regained a little control in my life, and oh it felt so good!

Thus, began a practice that continues to this day.  If you ride in my car and we decide to stop at Sonic or Chick-Fila or Starbucks or wherever, you will be given your straw in this matter regardless of who you are or whatever your age is.  I have gotten a few strange looks, but frankly I don't care.  My car - my rules!

So what does this mean to you?  Think on this - If you feel that your personal world is off its axis and everything is beyond your control, do not fret.  There is one area you can control - straw wrappers.  It can make all the difference!  And when you get that little control back in your life, you can thank me with a trip to Sonic.  I will know and appreciate how you hand me my straw.

Love to all of you out there or no one - whichever fits. J

Daughter of my heart

Divorce is certainly not of God.  It is manmade and is against God's design.  It creates pain, wounds, and scars that can last a lifetime especially when children are affected by it.

But, because we serve a Savior of second chances, He can take something ugly and destructive like divorce and through His amazing grace turn it into something beautiful and precious.  Today I was reminded once again at how much I have been blessed through His grace and given something beautiful and precious - the daughter of my heart.

Today, my oldest daughter married her soulmate in a lovely garden wedding.  She looked so beautiful and radiant in a beautiful dress that she designed herself.   She and I worked hard the last two months as we pulled together all the many things that go into a wedding.  It was a sweet time for us.  I hope the wedding was everything she dreamed it would be.  I think it was.  

Twenty-five years ago, she came into my life when I was chosen by her father to be his wife and her mother.  It was new territory for me - this idea of step-motherhood.   This new daughter of my heart made it easy as she immediately announced that she would be calling me Mommy.  And from that moment on that was what she called me, changing it to Mom as she neared the teenage years.  She didn't do that to dishonor her own biological mother, but I think just enjoyed that she would now have two mothers.  And for the last twenty-five years, it has been my privilege and pleasure to be her Mom. 

I can't believe that the cute lively little girl who first called me Mommy is now a beautiful young woman starting on her own journey of marriage.  I love the young woman she has become.  She is a thoughtful and loyal friend.  She has a compassionate heart and loves her family.  She loves books, animals, and Dr. Who which makes her father very happy.  Her wedding reflected her appreciation of all things natural.  Her father and I are very proud of the woman she has become, and our prayer for her and her soulmate is that their marriage is one of happiness and contentment.  

Thank you God for the gift of this daughter of my heart.  Thank you for letting me be her Mommy.

Love to all of you out there or no one - whichever fits. J

Everything you wanted to know about my listmaking but were afraid to ask

I am a big listmaker.  I mean major league.  Really serious about my lists, I am.  I mean it.  Really.

Nothing makes me more focused and in control especially when I am bombarded by tasks and activities. When I feel myself getting in that overwhelmed state, I list everything that I need to do no matter how minor - a phone call, card, gift, task, or errand.  It helps me make sure that I do the things that I loath as well as those that I love.  I try to make myself do the loathed things first!

I make lists when I have a lot to do, but I also love to make lists when I am really bored.  I have perfected the professional pose of taking copious notes and acting like I am hanging on every word in a really boring meeting when, in reality, I am working on my Christmas list.  And it may only be April.  Or a list of things that I would like to do - books I want to read, movies I want to see, people I want to see, call, or send a card to.  If you are ever in a meeting with me, you are going to wonder what I am up to!  You'll never know because I am really good at this skill, having perfected it over years of boring meetings.

I have tried different versions of listmaking through the years.  Tried the computer version with the electronic click when the task is completed.  Tried the palm pilot version.  For me, I need the old fashioned pen and paper.  For a long time, my preferred version was a letter size yellow legal pad. (letter not legal - very important).  Throughout my administrative career, my yellow legal pad could be found on the corner of my desk.  Daily, the pad would contain a mixture of items - some professional, some personal, some major and some minor.  That simple pad was my roadmap during those hectic days, helping me navigate our busy life.

Now, my life is busy but simpler. Most days I don't sit at a desk.  My lists are now made in a small spiral that will fit in my purse rather than my old yellow legal pads.  I have a big personal section and a  smaller professional section now.  It is easier now to keep those lists separate.  I like that.  I feel more balanced.

My favorite thing about my listmaking is what I do when an item is completed.  I am very specific about this.  When I am finished, I take my pen and I mark out the item making circular squiggles all the way across the item.  Not a line and definitely not scratching it out.  I know it is weird but it's what  I like.  I love the tactile feel of the pen (never a pencil) as I make the circular motion across the words written on the list.  Emotionally, I enjoy for a moment that feeling of completion.  I do this over and over on the list as items are completed.

I love the feeling when the paper that was once full of things to do is now full of looping, connecting circles.  A completed list makes me happy.  I mean it. Really.  

Love to all of you out there or no one  - whichever fits! J

Lions, and tigers, and blogging - Oh my!

After only one day and exactly one blog, I have come to the sad realization that blogging might not be good for me.  After posting my first blog last night, I went to bed way after Soulmate went to bed.  It was midnight and past my normal bed time.  I was bone tired from a busy week, but my mind was going a mile a minute.  The following events then took place . . .

1.  As soon as I got in bed and quickly kissed Soulmate good night, I grabbed a notebook and began to make a list of blogging ideas.  Oh my, the gray matter was churning out some great ideas.  I could barely get one down before another brain synapse would spark.  In a matter of minutes, I had a list of 25 ideas for future blogs.  In the midst of my cerebral tornado, I had the clarity to realize that I needed to stop, turn the light out, and go to bed.  I reminded myself that I had chosen blogging as a healthy activity for me not as a time and rest robbing "have to."  I want to share with you that I only turned the light back on only one more time, but you have to admit that a blog posting analyzing different types of movie goers is pretty exciting.

What does this tell you about me?  I suffer from perfectionism which is the root of OCD behavior.  (More about this later)

and then . . .

2.  While lying in bed waiting for sleepy time, the following thoughts began:  What was I thinking - To Kill a Mockingbird before The Bible?  People will think I don't have my priorities straight... Ramona Age 8 but very few classics?  No literary substance to you!  Will people think it was it a copout to not list favorite movies?  I hope I didn't have any misspelled words.  That would have been horrible... I am so glad that I caught the misspelling  of Zeppelin.  Why do people pronounce it with three syllables when there are really four syllables ... led..zepp...e...lin.  Gosh, should I have even listed Led Zeppelin?  I look like such an old rocker.  I like Adelle... maybe I should have added her... makes me look more up-to-date.  And so on and so on until I had to hypothetically slap myself upside the head "Stop it - you need to sleep!"


What does this tell you about me?  I suffer from approval addiction.  (More about this later)

and then . . .

3.  After tossing and turning for several minutes trying hopelessly to drop-off to sleep, the thoughts began again.... how often should I blog..how do people learn about your blog...what if no one reads it...I wonder how slow the readership was when the pioneer woman started blogging...should I include photos....how often should I change my profile...should I tell people about the blog....work it in conversations...do people make money off blogs....  Once again, I had to mentally draw a halt to my mental ramblings.

What does this tell you about me?  I suffer from the performance trap.  (More about this later)

and then . . .

4.  I realized that I was wasting time and energy and was in danger of turning this positive new thing in my life into a negative.  I began to doubt myself and feeling of shame that I had once again let something so quickly get out of control.  I finally dropped off to sleep feeling a sense of guilt and remorse.

What does this tell you about me?  I even sometimes suffer from shame.  (More about this later)

After only 24 hours, I am now announcing that I will be taking a 24 hour or 48 hour or maybe even more hours (I was at the need for a calculator point) break from blogging.  After last night, I realized that I may just need to dust off my dog eared, Diet Dr. Pepper stained copy of Search for Significance and my Bible to remind myself of some spiritual truths about these areas.  I know myself well and I have to filter all of my activities through what the Bible says about perfectionism, approval addiction, the performance trap, and shame.  These are not of God.  

So, my new friend or friends or just air - I will blog at you in a day or two or three . . .  let me get my mind and emotions right.  Now for the more about this later part...If you struggle with any of these I suggest Search for Significance.  It is a study that will guide you to spiritual truths that help you deal with these issues.  It is an awesome study.


Remember - There is now therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.   Romans 8:1  

Thanks for listening...or reading....or viewing....or sharing this with me...or... oh no here I go again!!!!

Love to all or no one out there - whichever fits.  J

No longer a blog virgin!

I have been intrigued with this idea of blogging for a long time.  This concept of sending out my thoughts to the world (or possibly no one depending on the world's interest in the thoughts of a really tired 55 year old) has been rolling around in my mind for awhile.  I follow a very few blogs - Allie, my youngest daughter, The Pioneer Woman, and Rage Against the Minivan are the main ones.  My fascination with blogging started with reading the book upon which the movie Julie/Julia was based.  My OCD side loved the idea of completing those many French recipes and the accompanying blogs all in one year.  Those of you who know me would understand my interest in cooking all of that food faded pretty quickly, but the interest in the blogging has remained.  I just didn't want to appear as angry as Julie, but definitely wanted to be seen as charming as Julia.

What have been the barriers to this blogging stuff for me?

1. Technology - enough said!  Allie helped me there.  She set up my page,  Trust me when I say that the above links in this first post took several attempts before I got them right.  Please honor my efforts by trying at least one of the links.  There may never be another one.  Thank you, Allie!

2.  The idea of sending my thoughts out to the world is a little scary to me.  Remember, I am of the age that a person's thoughts were kept in a diary with a tiny lock and key that was purchased at the five and dime.  I am still a little frightened about letting loose some out of control emotional rambling along the technological backroads. I promise to use my blogging power only for good.  Is there a blogging policeman out there who can help me keep to my blog honor code?

3.  Do I really need another time consumer in my life?  Everyday I am overwhelmed with all the things that I feel like I need to get done.  Do I really need something else?  I am determined to approach this blogging thing as a maybe not a have to.  I want to indulge in some creative, fun, reflective activity that brings me and just maybe someone else some joy.

Why do it - I use to love to write creatively.  For many years, I have written technically.  I want to write again.  I want to share through my words.  I want to communicate through a new medium.  I am going to blog.  In fact, I am blogging.  Wow - it was easier than I thought.

I have lived such a blessed life.  It hasn't been perfect.  There have been times of hardship and pain, but there has also been times of such incredible joy and fulfillment.  Throughout all of them, God has been sufficient.   I picked words from a favorite old hymn to title this new adventure.  Today I begin to share my story, my song with you.  If there is no you out there, I will still enjoy the act of writing for pleasure, the discipline of making regular contributions to a personal project, and the healthy practice of reflecting on my life past, present, and to come.  Today I have become a blogger!  It feels good.  Love to all or no one - whichever fits.   J